Well the saga has now finally come to an end. My father has left, vowed he never wanted to see me again (I have not heard him say this.. this is second hand info), and left without saying goodbye. It has been not been a highlight in our father-daughter relationship and I feel that this has been a turning point.
I was wondering why he has no feelings for either myself or for my children? Was it because he was never really loved himself? His mother died when he was 7 and his father and stepmother did not show him a great deal of affection. Besides, children in the states are chastised with belts for not saying SIR,YES SIR when they are asked something (even if the answer should be no). That is something that is fairly alien to the average person who has had a European upbringing.
Well let's just analyze this bit... I am not saying it excuses anything... If you are not loved, and beaten for not saying SIR, YES SIR (even if the answer should be no)you cannot love yourself and therefore cannot love another.. even if it is your own flesh and blood. Capish??
He told my mother he is scared of me. You know, I have barely said anything to my father in all of the 3 hours we were in each others company. Does he feel my silent disapproval? It is there I have to admit.. Disapproval but then again, maybe it is disappointment. I am disappointed that he has not had the courage to stop drinking when I am around. It has always been like that and that is why I do not know my REAL father. I only know the drunken imposter that comes round every 6 years.
By the way.. You know what is spooky? I bought a book when I was in London last week..
I bought this book . My dad bought the same book on the same day in the same shop...oohweeeeeeehooooooooo
Despite the creepy connotations I can't praise this book enough.
READ IT!!!
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