Friday, October 29, 2004

All Hallows eve

This is the eve of the writing marathon I am about to embark on. I am sure I will fail miserably (I have to write 6 pages a day!). I think therefore that all the entries this month will be excerpts of my novel..

Encouragement is welcome.

As it is Halloween I have a little story to write about my scary experiences when we lived in Florida:

We arrived end of September 1996. As we didn't have anything organized yet, we stayed with friends. They have a house built in the 70's. A one story bungalow style house with pool. Really quite nice and as it was reasonably modern I did NOT expect the stuff that happened whilst our stay there.

On our first night there we collapsed on the bed totally exhausted. We had been on the go for 24 hours. A few hours later I woke up with a start (the lights were on!) and the bed wobbled as if someone was jumping up and down on it. I was too tired to think about it and I fell asleep again. The next morning I asked Al if he felt it too and he vaguely remembered something weird. Nothing concrete though. This bedroom was to become our space for us and our kids for close to 3 months.

Around November I helped set up the Christmas tree. Lucy was very particular about her Christmas tree. It had to be so filled with tinsel and baubles in order to obliterate any hint that there was a live tree under there. It looked like a tinseled cone.

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All around the house there were little artifacts scattered to leave everyone in no doubt that it was Christmas. I pulled a pretty little music box out of the tinsel box and tried to switch it on.

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It was totally dead and I asked Lucy if it needed batteries. She confirmed that it hadn't worked for the past two years. It was cute enough to be displayed nonetheless.. It depicted Father Christmas putting presents under the huge tree observed by two kids looking down through the banisters at the top of the stairs. When it worked it must have lit up the lights in half a dozen different colours. I put it on the table next to the sofa and went about my normal business.

Max celebrated his 7th Birthday on 20th November. He got a huge R/C Monster Truck.

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A few days later I went to the mall with the kids to do some Christmas shopping. Lucy and hubby were out that evening so it was just us. We had eaten in the Mall so when we came home I put the kids in bath and bed. I kissed them good night. I walked back into the living room and threw myself on the sofa with a huge sigh.

From the corner of my eye I saw little multi-coloured lights switch on. I turned to see if my eyes deceived me. Unfortunately not. The little music box was switched on. It turned. It made music. The lights were on. I was freaked out! I got up quickly still pretending nothing had happened and went into the kitchen to grab something to drink. I put the jug back into the fridge, closed the fridge.... and the radio controlled big monster truck started to move about. I jumped out of my skin but I immediately suspected that Max was fooling around with it. I went into the room and asked him what he thought he was doing. He looked at me as if I was losing my mind and proclaimed his innocence. I looked for the radio controller.. walked out of the bedroom and found it next to the monster truck. I freaked out even more. I switched of the monster truck with the button on its belly and turned it over. I don't have to tell you that I was scared as hell.

Max and Tamsin came through and we sat up for a while I calmed my nerves. After a while I walked the kids back to the bedroom and as we walked past the monster truck its wheels started spinning madly again. I nearly screamed and the kids hid behind me. I took out the batteries and it stopped.

I lay down for a while with the kids until we all fell asleep.

I cannot to this day really explain what happened. All I can say that is whilst cleaning a cupboard in the living room thoroughly, I found a little hand print on the glass I just cleaned.

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*listening to Massive Attack Butterfly Caught*

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Mojo

A friend and colleague asked me this.. Who, besides Austin Powers, has Mojo? An intriguing question...

I have to say that very few people have mojo and most that have have it, in my view, sing.

First of all let's define my understanding of Mojo. I think Mojo is sex appeal. Natural and unforced. It certainly has nothing to do with liking their music and it doesn't have to mean that they are good looking.

So here is my list:

1. Marvin Gaye. (Marvin has mojo because of his musical talent. "let's get it on" is the best "let's get it on" track..ever.)
2. Elvis (Elvis had it in his younger years and even a little when he was fat. I never liked his music but I cannot deny the appeal).
4. Prince (he is the only man that can wear make-up, lace, bouffon hair and high heels and not look like a total drag queen. He was very sexy, I thought, during his "Purple" period).
5. James Dean. (He was talented, a bad-boy and good looking..)

People who think they have it but really don't

1. Robbie Williams
2. Any boyband member (see above)
3. Usher
4. P Diddy



Try it. It is not as easy as it looks.




Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Can I do it? Yes I can...

I've been feeling a little off colour lately. Not inspired at all about anything. Discontented and misunderstood. Not sure why, really.

It might be because the nights are getting longer and despite being a night person, this also means that the mornings are dark and uninviting.

Up as a lark, I am in the summer. Full of energy and spirit. Now I feel like a zombied drone worker who needs to make ends meet. I must, I must, I must, is my motto nowadays. Mostly to satisfy the I want, I want, I wants of my bank, my kids, myself...

I am wondering about what I would really really like to do. It is a question that has been plaguing me since I was a teenager. What is it...that I.. want to do in life. I know it is has all to do with how others perceive me. I want to be admired, I want to be creative and inspire others. I want to write and to convey witty insights and deep thought and gain the respect of others. This is really quite disconcerting to me. Deep down I don't want to be so concerned with what others think and this is where the dilemma lies. I do love it when I get a comment from someone. Be they stranger or friend. When I know I have helped someone else gain perspective and insight or inspire them into doing something they never thought of doing.

Now as to the actual professions and careers I have considered, I will put in a row down here in chronological order:

1. Singer - When I was five I decided that the school opposite our house should hear the dulcet sounds of my rendition of pussy miauw (a Dutch nursery rhyme). I went up to a full class of long haired, bell-bottomed, long-lapelled-shirted kids and sang my little heart out. .. Although this did not receive the rapturous applause I anticipated, I did get thrown out of the class and I went on to the next class room where I was kindly but firmly ushered out. I went home to find my mother and grandmother in floods of tears and the police looking very concerned and swiftly halting their area search.

2. Stewardess - I wore blue strawberry fruit punnets on my head and serve air-tea to my cousin. I dreamed of a jet-setting career in the sky visiting all sorts of exotic places. What I did not know then was that I looked naff with a punnet on my head.

3. Hairdresser - My barbies which are now owned by my daughter still bear the scar of my art. It was not to be although I do live out my dream by cutting my family's hair. It is a good compromise. That I only do one hairstyle does not phase me...

4. Forensic Scientist - When I was thirteen I wanted to become an FBI agent and to crack murders. The fact that I am totally squeamish and gag even at the sight of mould and other crud did not in fact dissuade me at the time. It was not meant to be. I am however a bit of a forensic scientist when it comes to keeping an eye on my kids. I know when they have been naughty/in trouble and have an eerie 'profiler' quality about me. It astounds them and frustrates them. I call it Mummy vision.

5. Actress -This is my father's doing. He wanted me to enroll into RADA and become an actooor. I was too scared and it did not happen. No surprises there... I did have a stint of being an extra in Dutch movies and an educational film about AIDS for British Soldiers abroad. I auditioned for it and got rejected because my English was too good. As the Dutch director did want me for the role of a prostitute, I was offered to opportunity to be an extra (prostitute at bar.. A role I came to play in a few other Dutch series ).

6. Fashion Designer - Now this is something that I actually did study for. Only after the second year did I realise that the most likely job I would get after graduation is a position as button-sewer-onner #2. It did not appeal.

7. MSCE - This was based solely on the vision I had of someone asking "My Server crashed can you get an engineer to look at it, STAT?!"and then to see their faces when they found out that it was a woman engineer!! Only after I read the first chapter of part one of the MSCE manual did I find out that it was ARSE-NUMBINGLY boring and that a job requisite was to wear plaid shirts.
I did however become a helpdesk agent. The fact that I don't like telephones or have in-depth technical knowledge did not hinder me in any way.


8. ehm.. I guess I want to be a writer? A jewellery designer? A antique furniture dealer?

God.. I don't know...






Monday, October 18, 2004

Got Fear?

Robert sent me this one today..

http://home.earthlink.net/~houval/gopconstrm.mov

I am scared...but not for the reasons they are giving...




Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Mac Donald's but not as you know it

Guardian Unlimited The Guardian The question mark over McDonald's
I thought it was a joke.. but in fact McDonald's are deadly serious. McDonald's are going to use a question mark to replace the golden arches as their new logo.

What are they trying to tell us? That they do not know what the hell they are serving us? Or that they don't know what the hell they are doing? It certainly smacks of desperation. Using a question mark as their new logo is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of and wrong on so many levels. What are they going to do with companies who use the question mark in their slogans? Sue them? Are their employees going to feel justified in greeting us with a huh? Instead of a smile?

"McDonald's but not as you know it" will be their new Slogan. What did they do? Ask Spock to think that one up? McDonalds but not as you want to know it.. See how easy that one is? It is the equivalent to giving your newborn baby unfortunate names like Mistikalinagiorgia or D'uanniashaheena or Condolencesaleeeeeeza. (These names I just made up..Use at your own risk and responsibility).

I bet all the other fastfood companies are pinching themselves and laughing themselves giddy...

They'll be singing "Ding Dong the Arch is dead" for many months to come..

(notice the amounts of question marks I have used???? We can until McD unveils their new company identity on Friday..then it will be all over baby!)

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Worm your way into health...

I have just seen a documentary about parasites. The first reaction I get when I think about parasites is one of disgust. They did show some pretty disgusting parasites (most of them worms. Like guinea and screw worms) that cause all sorts of misery. It underlines everyone's prejudice that all parasites are bad.

Not totally founded as it turns out. Apparently, parasites like worms can sometimes help in keeping our bodies in balance. In fact intestinal worms are so effective in calming and balancing our immune systems that they are sometimes prescribed for people with hay fever and certain bowel diseases. This treatment means ingesting worm eggs deliberately (eeeeeuw!) . It is even suggested that because we are mostly worm free in the western world we have such high occurrences of asthma and other allergies. The worms need us to exist and it may turn out that we need worms in equal measure to stay healthy too.

It was also suggested that parasites can change normal behaviour. Not only in animals but also in humans.

They gave a few examples where this happens but this one sticks out. A stickleback which is infected with a tapeworm is not frightened by its predators anymore. They showed that very effectively by putting an infected and a healthy stickleback in a tank and then putting a fake herron lookylikey above it. The healthy stickleback fled like its life depended on it but the infected stickleback did not even move and just stared the herron out. In nature the herron eats the infected stickleback, the tapeworm releases its eggs in its guts and the herron poo lands in the water to make the circle complete. The tapeworm thus benefits from altering the behaviour.

They also touched upon the fact that one in three of us is infected by taxoplasmosis parasite which lodges in our brain. The Taxoplasmosis protozoa alters the behaviour in rats in a very similar way to the tape worm altering the behaviour of the stickleback. Rats are carriers but taxoplasma parasites need another host to complete the cycle. Cats are notorious for being active hosts and because they make the rat less fearless, they more easily become prey for a cat to complete the cycle. We get infected by our cats in obvious ways (eeeuw eeeeuw!!!) and this has also been linked to reckless behaviour. People with taxoplasmosis infections have slower reactions and also show a lessened sense of danger.

Now I am a cat owner and again I have found another reason NOT to drive a car. Which in fact proves that I have not been infected because if I had, I would probably have less fear of driving. This is my version of the story and I am sticking to it.

So in conclusion some parasites ARE useful.. Even though they are thoroughly disgusting....

Monday, October 11, 2004

Another example of utter spinelessness

I wrote this as a comment to the wonderful post of Kissme and I thought it best to post the comment here to strengthen my resolve in losing some weight...

I was feeling so guilty yesterday for being overweight and not doing a single thing about it, that I actually did some exercise...I put on a exercise tape over which my daughter had taped a program about the spice girls (that tells you how long I haven't used that tape!) and had to resort to Yoga to which I am a little allergic due to the high "I am spiritually so more in touch with my innerself and have conversations with Shiva" factor.

I did 2 up side down inside out dogs and 2 warrior doodahs (not only did I get the breathing completely wrong, I also don't know what the hell I am doing) when my mother called and asked if I wanted to go to the park for a walk. I got dressed in 10 seconds flat and when we arrived we dived into the nearest park cafe. I had a huge hot chocolate with whipped cream and a few bites of apple pie, both of which were forced on my by my mother in a most unsavoury manner.

Funnily enough this action did kind of aggrevate the initial feeling of being a bloated inert whale type person.

Today was better. At lunch time I walked briskly for a whole 10 minutes and when I got home I stuffed my face with chocolate.

At least I am keeping the walking up..

Maybe I should look at this website more often to put me off food... It totally grossed out Big Dog hehehe.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Hear Hear....

From today's Guardian Unlimited. A speech written by Simon Schama for John Kerry that just hits several huge mo-fo-ing nails in the cranium of Bush...

Please read!

Guardian Unlimited | US elections 2004 | Dear John, try this ...

By the way... Schama when said in Dutch means pubic hair.. but do not let that distract you from his fine words.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Of Bunny Boilers and Ruby Slippers

There are some popular culture images and words that evoke something very strong when you talk about them. "Think of this example" I said to a friend: "When you say Bunny Boiler.. What do you think of"? He, to my surprise, did not know what the hell I was talking about.

Of course ,most people will know I am talking about a scary stalky woman who has had a one night stand with a married man but wants more and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. The term Bunny Boiler comes from the Glen Close character in Fatal Attraction who (Spoiler alert) boils the bunny of Michael Douglas' daughter to prove she loves him and wants him back (end of Spoiler alert).
Yah!.. good tactic!

Groundhog day is another term that now has a life of its own. I am sure it has all but replaced the term Deja Vu for some people. I know I use " Groundhog Day" often when I feel that I have experienced something before and I am sure that people have never seen this movie, still know what you mean when you use the term. It is a scary thing to be doing the same fecking thing day in day out...... Wait... isn't that is already happening to me?..

Jaws, The Matrix, The Shining, 2001: A space oddyssey and Alien all have left their mark on us and on subsequent movies. For example: In Toy Story, the carpet used in that vicious boy Sid's house (if that isn't a reference to the Sex Pistols I will eat my socks) was the exact same design as the carpet of the overlook hotel in The Shining.

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What about the word Munchkin? Everyone knows it means a small person. The remarkable thing is, this word never existed until after it was used in the Wizard of Oz to describe the small people that inhabited the land of Oz. The Wizard of Oz has had an enormous influence on popular culture. Nearly every movie made makes a tribute to Dorothy and her little dog. I think the line "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" and all its variations is widely used. "I'm Melting!" is another one that is commonly used by all.. If you go to IMDB.com and look at the movie connections of this movie, it is astounding. The list is endless. It has become a movie cliché like telephone numbers beginning with 555-XXX. And to top it all, the song "Over the Rainbow" was ranked #1 by the American Film Institute in 2004 on the 100 Greatest Songs in American Films list. Ruby Slippers are wanted by every girl on the planet and the chant of the guardsmen of the Wicked Witch has been used in a song by Prince.

Quite a feat for an old movie made for children.




Monday, October 04, 2004

Don't let the mountain set new frontiers.

I love singing. I think I possess a fine singing voice that is perfectly suited for private singing in the bathroom and when alone (although I would love to be discovered. Seriously!). I have played the game Sing Star to a very high level and I am in actual fact a successful chart-topping superstar in the Sing Star universe.

Anyway, although I may be a fine singer.. I am absolutely crap at remembering lyrics. I never listen to the lyrics anyway and they are often misheard when I do. This seems to hold me back from attaining fame and fortune

Prime examples:

That christmas song by The Darkness..

There is a line that goes "Don’t let the bells end". I have made this, by some weird shortcut in my brain, into "Don’t let the mountain". It did not register at any point that this was an unlikely part of the song. Only when my daughter pointed it out did I see my stupidity. When I am not paying attention I still sing it, though..

While we are on a christmas theme

George Michael’s Last Christmas: There is a line "To save me from tears". This in Juliet’s universe is "to set new frontiers." You see a pattern emerging? Mountains? Frontiers? Christmas?

I must be the love child of Calamity Jane and Father Christmas. That or a more likely explanation: I am slightly lyrically challenged and I have an intense desire to be the love child of Calamity Jane and Father Christmas.

Either way. Not good for my musical career.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Time is an eternal moment of now

Albert Einstein has been credited with the above statement.

What he meant by it is that there is no past. Only the traces of it which are left in your brain. There is no future. Only a concept of what the future might be based on past experiences.

When I think about that my brain goes into overload. It is like the concept of infinity. Or that space is infinitely big. I have never been able to comprehend either.

What does it mean that there is no past, no future just the now? How long does "now" last? A few nanoseconds?

If you give it a number of nanoseconds you can still divide it into the past and what is still to pass. So the only answer is that "now" lasts 0 seconds. Here is where it gets mind boggling. Isn't 0+0=0? So why does time pass at all? After all, time is made up of moments that don't last.

I think it is essential to separate the human concept of time and the reality of "now". We have devised ways to be able to count the zeros to see a time line. We can project the zeros ad infinitum to get a continuous line into the future (albeit a theoretical one).

Another dimension to "now" is that it takes our brain a few nanoseconds to process what the senses have registered. So in fact we have two time lines. The actual "now" and the perceived "now". They run parallel but are not in synch. A bit like a sound track which does not run in time with the frames.

What I find hard to comprehend is that if we did not process and store all these moments of now, we would not have lives. Just incoherent random moments that do not have meaning and do not build up to anything. It might be scientific fact but because we have consciousness and are able to remember, our lives are not eternal moments of now.

Our lives are made up from memories, hopes and fears ranging from unimportant to live altering.

Thank god for that, eh?








Friday, October 01, 2004

The Tatanka effect...

I called one of my best friends today. She recently got married and is now so poor she has been reduced to baking her own cakes to get her sweet tooth filled. Well, not quite but that is how she brings it. She is also too poor now to have range on her mobile phone in her own house. She has to hang out of the window to get some network cover and calls are dropped, on average, 3 times every 15 minutes. Despite all these hurdles and tests of our patience, we always laugh. Laugh at the most simple and spookily similar things. I can't really say what exactly... We just spark.

I'll give you an example (although that won't make it any clearer)

Tatanka is a word that induces endless mirth in the both of us. It is the Lokota word for Buffalo. It was used in the movie Dances with Wolves. It made me laugh when I saw it and it had the exact same effect on her. Independently. Now if you ask me what I find funny about it, I couldn't tell you. I just think it is funny.

I know this propensity to laugh at things that normally people don't find funny is extremely annoying to others. It makes them feel excluded. Not part of our little clique. I totally understand because I find it very annoying too when I am not part of a joke and no one explains to you why they are laughing.

Our problem is that we can tell the joke but that gives absolutely no guarantee that the person wanting to know will think it is funny. Chances are that they won't.

Tatanka... No? Not funny? Say it oud loud... Ta-Tan-ka..

See?