Is Nothing Sacred?

I am referring of course to solving age old mysteries...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/4040127.stm

I much prefer not knowing (in hindsight) and making up wild theories....

*rummages to find her copy of "the Da Vinci Code"*

Tearful

I am feeling nostalgic and a little tearful these past few days. Nostalgic for a more carefree time. A time when my choices were limited but at the same time gave me a great sense of freedom. For example; when I lived in rooms while doing fashion college I chose to buy a beautiful dress that I could not afford and to ensure that I would not starve and run out of money half way through the month I had to reduce my diet to eating toasted cheese sandwiches and drinking freshly squeezed orange juice for the rest of the month. No meat, of course because that dress was all important. Mind-numbingly shallow but on the other hand; I had good clothes, I was 20 and I loved toasted cheese sandwiches and freshly squeezed orange juice. It was a win-win situation. Not to mention the fact that I actually looked good in that dress made it all the sweeter.

Now, it is simply not the same even though the choices are the same: To have good clothes and starve or to wear clothes a few years old and pay the mortgage. I work all day, every day, and if I am very unlucky in the evening as well. I am tired... Very tired and I feel drained. I know I am not alone but I have to keep working for money, money, money... MONEY, to get by and buy. My choices are even more limited, I guess. And to top it all I don't look good in that dress anymore. In fact, I doubt it would get passed my ankles. But other than that. No complaints.

But back to being tearful. It is not a "I am feeling sorry for myself" tearful. It is more like misery mixed with happiness. I am happy I have family and friends who love me dearly. I am happy that I have kids who have their whole life ahead of them and that they are happy. I am happy that a dear friend of mine got a great job after just one interview after years of being doubtful of her own worth and abilities. I am so happy for her but at the same time I know she is now entering a rat race that at times she will regret ever getting into. She will look back, like I do, and elevate those days before to a mythical status.

The ' misery' which I feel comes from doing something that I don't actually love. It does not make me happy. Now I have read motivational books but they do not take away the fact that my job sucks at times. Big time. I do know that only I can change that but I also know that, at the moment, I am not in the position to actually do so.

So I dwell on times when the world was mine and the sky was the limit....

To be fair; I have done many things already.. Not enough, obviously. There are many things I would still like to do, but I am pretty content with what I have done so far. No complaints

*listening to the oh so sentimental Claire de Lune by Debussy*

forgeddaboudit

My daughter is going to Secondary school next year. The frantic and frenzied proceedings that go before she has even picked up a book is now in its initial stages.

Yesterday I went to a Parent's information evening where everyone was informed by two lovely ladies about the processes and procedures that Amsterdam has put in place to make choosing and registering at a school as fair as possible. Regrettably these proceedings seems to have a built-in frustration level for every parent. I won't get into detail here as to how it works but what I found astounding was the level of aggression coming from some of the parents. Worst-case-scenario after worst-case-scenario was thrown up and no matter how much these lovely ladies tried to take these worries away, these unlikely turn of events were cherished, nursed by some parents and they were just not going to let go. It was almost if they were wishing for it to go wrong. They sure as hell did not want to be re-assured!

Images of aggressive parents pouring cement boots for some school headmasters who were not going to let their child enroll flashed before me.

I was a bit blase because I have lived the fear a couple of years earlier. Getting the right school is hard and you never know if you have made the right decision until it is too late, but I know it is not as bad as I thought. It starts going bad when your child is enrolled in the school of their choice only to find that they are loath to lift a finger to get good grades and are so laid back about everything that you have to check whether or not they still have a pulse. This is my plight right now. I am a bereft mother. I have an intelligent son who is sooo very, very clever but cannot be arsed to do any work of substance. It makes me sad because I know he is missing out. I tell him that he will be gray and balding before he finishes his school career if he is not careful. He just looks at me like I am the naggiest nagging mother in the whole naggy history of the nagging world.

Whatcanyoudo?

The Man from Atlantis

I read today in a Dutch Internet Rag that an expedition is being set up to find Atlantis. That is, the people leading the expedition believe that they have already found it and are setting out to prove they are right (I can see the Horizon Documentary already.. Dramatic Music.. Atlantis has been found.. *Cue Cheery Music*.... but wait.. *Cue dramatic music* it is all a lie/farce/based on fiction not fact *Cue sad wistful music* Conclusion: Prrrrrt.. fade..out...).

http://www.discoveryofatlantis.com/ and the more respectable BBC link.. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4011545.stm

The expedition is setting sail for Cyprus, the purported remainder of Atlantis. It is claimed that most of Cyprus is now under Sea level, which made it a peninsula of Syria in Ancient times. Atlantis was hit by a deluge which turned it into the distinctive shape Cyprus has now.

I wonder if the Turkish or Greek part was hit. I anticipate a great wrangle for control over this subaqueous city/country. If it is ever proven.

The theory is that there are man-made structures found when there should be none... *insert environmental dig here*.

Anyway, it will probably all fizzle out and we will more than likely hear of their prostrate defeat before long.

Can't wait to be proven wrong, though!

Failure..

Yes indeed. Failure. I have not written a fictional word for over 2 weeks now. I am ashamed. I am defeated by my own fear of failure. Rather than be confronted that I cannot do something, why not refuse to do it? A losers attitude to be sure.

But I have been busy: I am recording my family's history on my other blog just to ensure that this information is accessible for all.

I also cooked a fabulous meal for my grandmother who is 83 today. 4 different curry dishes, I even made my own cheese (!) and cooked a starter and a desert. I am totally exhausted but full (of myself).

All in all it was a good weekend, failures included.

Madness..

Last Tuesday a very outspoken film maker, columnist and writer and full time reactionary, Theo van Gogh was butchered by a fundamentalist Muslim.

He cycled past Theo van Gogh, shot him, ran after him when he crossed the road. Shot him again, stabbed him numerous times and stuck a note with a knife on his chest. He stood over him until he was dead and ran off. He was caught but only after the police had a shoot out and shot him in the leg. Theo van Gogh was 47. His murderer 26.


All this happened in my friendly, quiet neighbourhood. My daughter's school is opposite his house, a few streets away from our house. One of her friends live right next door and they knew Theo van Gogh personally. The place he was killed is our shopping street. My son cycled past the next day on his way to school and was horrified at the amount of blood that was still on the pavement

It all brings it very close to home. I must keep telling myself that it there are evil people in every religious group, in every race.. It is hard not to give in to the knee jerk reaction to tell them all to get out. It is scary because our basest emotions come up and we think that we are above it. This is an act of terrorism and we consequences will be attached to it. For all of us.

Mosques are already being hit and smeared by paint. Protection for Muslims needs to be stepped up and Muslims in Holland are all apologising for the heinous act of one man. And then I asked myself this: Why? Why do all Muslims need to apologise for one man? Just because he was a Muslim does not put the guilt on the whole of this religious group. I understand the need for it. We all want to hear that not all Muslims are bad but we know this rationally. We do not demand that all Catholics apologise for the IRA, do we? Then why is this different? I find that differentiation very disturbing and it makes me very sad. We will never transcend racism if we do not even see it when it happens. We do not see that Muslims having to defend their religion because of the act of this individual as wrong.


Pim Fortuyn was murdered by a Dutch, white,probably protestant national. No one demands that all of the protestants or animal rights groups or whatever faction he belonged to defend him, do we?

Of course there are Muslims that say that Theo van Gogh provoked this attack because of his outspoken criticism on the Islam in general and the treatment of Muslim women in particular. This testifies to a deep ignorance and I am truly saddened that this is the view of certain individuals, but again that does not mean that this the view of everyone. Unfortunately this will be jumped upon as another example of Muslim "badness".


Theo van Gogh will be cremated at the cemetery opposite which I grew up tomorrow. Chaos is forecasted. I will stay at home and work there...