Dogs are curaaaazy..

As you may or may not know, I have a dog. A Jack Russell stylee dog with pointy ears and perfect symetry in its face.

Exhibit A (except ours has pointy ears but the markings are identical)

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He is mad. No he is just weird!.


To wit:


1.) He shags the cat. He is an unneutered male and the cat is one 100% non gender specific (we do not mention in front of him that his balls have been taken. He was out at the time and cannot remember). The cat pretends to hate it but never seems to do a damn thing about it. However, I have noticed that this does not go on in public. I have stumbled in many a time and caught them in delicto flagrante after which the cat throws lame objections to being humped. It never convinces.

2.) He understands English. If you say to him "Look!" He will turn his head and look at the TV. (Even if you point in the opposite direction. The words bow wow, Jack Russell and pussy have the same effect) He will remain transfixed until someone switches it off or until he has caught the creature on the TV. (the latter never happens but he does not seem to grasp this concept. TELEVISION IS NOT REAL!! ).

3.) If he needs to a. go to the loo or b. needs to be fed, he will commence a staring competition with me (and noone else) to persuade me to delegate to someone and relieve the endless suffering of a poor helpless shortlegged brown and white spotted dog. I always lose this competition and am willess at the end. I have to demand that someone walk him or feed him. If noone responds to this unbearable suffering I end up doing it. If you want to ascertain whether it is a. or b. or both you go: " do you need walkies? or do you need foodies?" Which ever gets the biggest tilt of the head wins. If it is a tie, it means he needs both.

4.) He pees his marker on the front porch flower arrangement (they call it a garden but it is hardly that) which drives the neighbour downstairs totally bonkers(Ironically she is a shrink!) I have to teach my dog some manners but unfortunately he does not comply. I don't quite understand the fuss and I cannot be bothered to analyse it.

5.) When he runs after a ball or a toy on our laminate flooring, he looks like a cartoon character who cannot quite get a grip and you cannot see his legs in the blur... (think Scooby doo) I find it very funny every time.

6.) He barks at good looking women that are not me (I mean, look at that pic.. gorgeous I tell ya, gorgeous!). To dispell the myth. I did not train him to do that.

7.) He cannot handle the stress and responsibility of a bone (for chewing!). He gets very grumpy and refuses to sleep. He will guard it tirelessly and he will even refuse to follow us around like a shadow like he normally does. In the end I have to take the bone away and he perks up immediately. We try to tell him that his bone(for chewing!) is just NOT attractive to us and ask him whether he can recally ANY time when either of us crouched down to get it and chew at it. This does not seem to register.

He is such fun.. Mad but fun. The only thing I would say about Jack Russels to you gents is to not pee while standing up in front of them if you trained them to jump UP and UP and UP. .if you catch my drift

Well off to bed.. Push off the dog to make room..