Is Nothing Sacred?

I am referring of course to solving age old mysteries...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/4040127.stm

I much prefer not knowing (in hindsight) and making up wild theories....

*rummages to find her copy of "the Da Vinci Code"*

Tearful

I am feeling nostalgic and a little tearful these past few days. Nostalgic for a more carefree time. A time when my choices were limited but at the same time gave me a great sense of freedom. For example; when I lived in rooms while doing fashion college I chose to buy a beautiful dress that I could not afford and to ensure that I would not starve and run out of money half way through the month I had to reduce my diet to eating toasted cheese sandwiches and drinking freshly squeezed orange juice for the rest of the month. No meat, of course because that dress was all important. Mind-numbingly shallow but on the other hand; I had good clothes, I was 20 and I loved toasted cheese sandwiches and freshly squeezed orange juice. It was a win-win situation. Not to mention the fact that I actually looked good in that dress made it all the sweeter.

Now, it is simply not the same even though the choices are the same: To have good clothes and starve or to wear clothes a few years old and pay the mortgage. I work all day, every day, and if I am very unlucky in the evening as well. I am tired... Very tired and I feel drained. I know I am not alone but I have to keep working for money, money, money... MONEY, to get by and buy. My choices are even more limited, I guess. And to top it all I don't look good in that dress anymore. In fact, I doubt it would get passed my ankles. But other than that. No complaints.

But back to being tearful. It is not a "I am feeling sorry for myself" tearful. It is more like misery mixed with happiness. I am happy I have family and friends who love me dearly. I am happy that I have kids who have their whole life ahead of them and that they are happy. I am happy that a dear friend of mine got a great job after just one interview after years of being doubtful of her own worth and abilities. I am so happy for her but at the same time I know she is now entering a rat race that at times she will regret ever getting into. She will look back, like I do, and elevate those days before to a mythical status.

The ' misery' which I feel comes from doing something that I don't actually love. It does not make me happy. Now I have read motivational books but they do not take away the fact that my job sucks at times. Big time. I do know that only I can change that but I also know that, at the moment, I am not in the position to actually do so.

So I dwell on times when the world was mine and the sky was the limit....

To be fair; I have done many things already.. Not enough, obviously. There are many things I would still like to do, but I am pretty content with what I have done so far. No complaints

*listening to the oh so sentimental Claire de Lune by Debussy*

forgeddaboudit

My daughter is going to Secondary school next year. The frantic and frenzied proceedings that go before she has even picked up a book is now in its initial stages.

Yesterday I went to a Parent's information evening where everyone was informed by two lovely ladies about the processes and procedures that Amsterdam has put in place to make choosing and registering at a school as fair as possible. Regrettably these proceedings seems to have a built-in frustration level for every parent. I won't get into detail here as to how it works but what I found astounding was the level of aggression coming from some of the parents. Worst-case-scenario after worst-case-scenario was thrown up and no matter how much these lovely ladies tried to take these worries away, these unlikely turn of events were cherished, nursed by some parents and they were just not going to let go. It was almost if they were wishing for it to go wrong. They sure as hell did not want to be re-assured!

Images of aggressive parents pouring cement boots for some school headmasters who were not going to let their child enroll flashed before me.

I was a bit blase because I have lived the fear a couple of years earlier. Getting the right school is hard and you never know if you have made the right decision until it is too late, but I know it is not as bad as I thought. It starts going bad when your child is enrolled in the school of their choice only to find that they are loath to lift a finger to get good grades and are so laid back about everything that you have to check whether or not they still have a pulse. This is my plight right now. I am a bereft mother. I have an intelligent son who is sooo very, very clever but cannot be arsed to do any work of substance. It makes me sad because I know he is missing out. I tell him that he will be gray and balding before he finishes his school career if he is not careful. He just looks at me like I am the naggiest nagging mother in the whole naggy history of the nagging world.

Whatcanyoudo?

The Man from Atlantis

I read today in a Dutch Internet Rag that an expedition is being set up to find Atlantis. That is, the people leading the expedition believe that they have already found it and are setting out to prove they are right (I can see the Horizon Documentary already.. Dramatic Music.. Atlantis has been found.. *Cue Cheery Music*.... but wait.. *Cue dramatic music* it is all a lie/farce/based on fiction not fact *Cue sad wistful music* Conclusion: Prrrrrt.. fade..out...).

http://www.discoveryofatlantis.com/ and the more respectable BBC link.. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4011545.stm

The expedition is setting sail for Cyprus, the purported remainder of Atlantis. It is claimed that most of Cyprus is now under Sea level, which made it a peninsula of Syria in Ancient times. Atlantis was hit by a deluge which turned it into the distinctive shape Cyprus has now.

I wonder if the Turkish or Greek part was hit. I anticipate a great wrangle for control over this subaqueous city/country. If it is ever proven.

The theory is that there are man-made structures found when there should be none... *insert environmental dig here*.

Anyway, it will probably all fizzle out and we will more than likely hear of their prostrate defeat before long.

Can't wait to be proven wrong, though!

Failure..

Yes indeed. Failure. I have not written a fictional word for over 2 weeks now. I am ashamed. I am defeated by my own fear of failure. Rather than be confronted that I cannot do something, why not refuse to do it? A losers attitude to be sure.

But I have been busy: I am recording my family's history on my other blog just to ensure that this information is accessible for all.

I also cooked a fabulous meal for my grandmother who is 83 today. 4 different curry dishes, I even made my own cheese (!) and cooked a starter and a desert. I am totally exhausted but full (of myself).

All in all it was a good weekend, failures included.

Madness..

Last Tuesday a very outspoken film maker, columnist and writer and full time reactionary, Theo van Gogh was butchered by a fundamentalist Muslim.

He cycled past Theo van Gogh, shot him, ran after him when he crossed the road. Shot him again, stabbed him numerous times and stuck a note with a knife on his chest. He stood over him until he was dead and ran off. He was caught but only after the police had a shoot out and shot him in the leg. Theo van Gogh was 47. His murderer 26.


All this happened in my friendly, quiet neighbourhood. My daughter's school is opposite his house, a few streets away from our house. One of her friends live right next door and they knew Theo van Gogh personally. The place he was killed is our shopping street. My son cycled past the next day on his way to school and was horrified at the amount of blood that was still on the pavement

It all brings it very close to home. I must keep telling myself that it there are evil people in every religious group, in every race.. It is hard not to give in to the knee jerk reaction to tell them all to get out. It is scary because our basest emotions come up and we think that we are above it. This is an act of terrorism and we consequences will be attached to it. For all of us.

Mosques are already being hit and smeared by paint. Protection for Muslims needs to be stepped up and Muslims in Holland are all apologising for the heinous act of one man. And then I asked myself this: Why? Why do all Muslims need to apologise for one man? Just because he was a Muslim does not put the guilt on the whole of this religious group. I understand the need for it. We all want to hear that not all Muslims are bad but we know this rationally. We do not demand that all Catholics apologise for the IRA, do we? Then why is this different? I find that differentiation very disturbing and it makes me very sad. We will never transcend racism if we do not even see it when it happens. We do not see that Muslims having to defend their religion because of the act of this individual as wrong.


Pim Fortuyn was murdered by a Dutch, white,probably protestant national. No one demands that all of the protestants or animal rights groups or whatever faction he belonged to defend him, do we?

Of course there are Muslims that say that Theo van Gogh provoked this attack because of his outspoken criticism on the Islam in general and the treatment of Muslim women in particular. This testifies to a deep ignorance and I am truly saddened that this is the view of certain individuals, but again that does not mean that this the view of everyone. Unfortunately this will be jumped upon as another example of Muslim "badness".


Theo van Gogh will be cremated at the cemetery opposite which I grew up tomorrow. Chaos is forecasted. I will stay at home and work there...

All Hallows eve

This is the eve of the writing marathon I am about to embark on. I am sure I will fail miserably (I have to write 6 pages a day!). I think therefore that all the entries this month will be excerpts of my novel..

Encouragement is welcome.

As it is Halloween I have a little story to write about my scary experiences when we lived in Florida:

We arrived end of September 1996. As we didn't have anything organized yet, we stayed with friends. They have a house built in the 70's. A one story bungalow style house with pool. Really quite nice and as it was reasonably modern I did NOT expect the stuff that happened whilst our stay there.

On our first night there we collapsed on the bed totally exhausted. We had been on the go for 24 hours. A few hours later I woke up with a start (the lights were on!) and the bed wobbled as if someone was jumping up and down on it. I was too tired to think about it and I fell asleep again. The next morning I asked Al if he felt it too and he vaguely remembered something weird. Nothing concrete though. This bedroom was to become our space for us and our kids for close to 3 months.

Around November I helped set up the Christmas tree. Lucy was very particular about her Christmas tree. It had to be so filled with tinsel and baubles in order to obliterate any hint that there was a live tree under there. It looked like a tinseled cone.

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All around the house there were little artifacts scattered to leave everyone in no doubt that it was Christmas. I pulled a pretty little music box out of the tinsel box and tried to switch it on.

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It was totally dead and I asked Lucy if it needed batteries. She confirmed that it hadn't worked for the past two years. It was cute enough to be displayed nonetheless.. It depicted Father Christmas putting presents under the huge tree observed by two kids looking down through the banisters at the top of the stairs. When it worked it must have lit up the lights in half a dozen different colours. I put it on the table next to the sofa and went about my normal business.

Max celebrated his 7th Birthday on 20th November. He got a huge R/C Monster Truck.

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A few days later I went to the mall with the kids to do some Christmas shopping. Lucy and hubby were out that evening so it was just us. We had eaten in the Mall so when we came home I put the kids in bath and bed. I kissed them good night. I walked back into the living room and threw myself on the sofa with a huge sigh.

From the corner of my eye I saw little multi-coloured lights switch on. I turned to see if my eyes deceived me. Unfortunately not. The little music box was switched on. It turned. It made music. The lights were on. I was freaked out! I got up quickly still pretending nothing had happened and went into the kitchen to grab something to drink. I put the jug back into the fridge, closed the fridge.... and the radio controlled big monster truck started to move about. I jumped out of my skin but I immediately suspected that Max was fooling around with it. I went into the room and asked him what he thought he was doing. He looked at me as if I was losing my mind and proclaimed his innocence. I looked for the radio controller.. walked out of the bedroom and found it next to the monster truck. I freaked out even more. I switched of the monster truck with the button on its belly and turned it over. I don't have to tell you that I was scared as hell.

Max and Tamsin came through and we sat up for a while I calmed my nerves. After a while I walked the kids back to the bedroom and as we walked past the monster truck its wheels started spinning madly again. I nearly screamed and the kids hid behind me. I took out the batteries and it stopped.

I lay down for a while with the kids until we all fell asleep.

I cannot to this day really explain what happened. All I can say that is whilst cleaning a cupboard in the living room thoroughly, I found a little hand print on the glass I just cleaned.

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*listening to Massive Attack Butterfly Caught*

Mojo

A friend and colleague asked me this.. Who, besides Austin Powers, has Mojo? An intriguing question...

I have to say that very few people have mojo and most that have have it, in my view, sing.

First of all let's define my understanding of Mojo. I think Mojo is sex appeal. Natural and unforced. It certainly has nothing to do with liking their music and it doesn't have to mean that they are good looking.

So here is my list:

1. Marvin Gaye. (Marvin has mojo because of his musical talent. "let's get it on" is the best "let's get it on" track..ever.)
2. Elvis (Elvis had it in his younger years and even a little when he was fat. I never liked his music but I cannot deny the appeal).
4. Prince (he is the only man that can wear make-up, lace, bouffon hair and high heels and not look like a total drag queen. He was very sexy, I thought, during his "Purple" period).
5. James Dean. (He was talented, a bad-boy and good looking..)

People who think they have it but really don't

1. Robbie Williams
2. Any boyband member (see above)
3. Usher
4. P Diddy



Try it. It is not as easy as it looks.

Can I do it? Yes I can...

I've been feeling a little off colour lately. Not inspired at all about anything. Discontented and misunderstood. Not sure why, really.

It might be because the nights are getting longer and despite being a night person, this also means that the mornings are dark and uninviting.

Up as a lark, I am in the summer. Full of energy and spirit. Now I feel like a zombied drone worker who needs to make ends meet. I must, I must, I must, is my motto nowadays. Mostly to satisfy the I want, I want, I wants of my bank, my kids, myself...

I am wondering about what I would really really like to do. It is a question that has been plaguing me since I was a teenager. What is it...that I.. want to do in life. I know it is has all to do with how others perceive me. I want to be admired, I want to be creative and inspire others. I want to write and to convey witty insights and deep thought and gain the respect of others. This is really quite disconcerting to me. Deep down I don't want to be so concerned with what others think and this is where the dilemma lies. I do love it when I get a comment from someone. Be they stranger or friend. When I know I have helped someone else gain perspective and insight or inspire them into doing something they never thought of doing.

Now as to the actual professions and careers I have considered, I will put in a row down here in chronological order:

1. Singer - When I was five I decided that the school opposite our house should hear the dulcet sounds of my rendition of pussy miauw (a Dutch nursery rhyme). I went up to a full class of long haired, bell-bottomed, long-lapelled-shirted kids and sang my little heart out. .. Although this did not receive the rapturous applause I anticipated, I did get thrown out of the class and I went on to the next class room where I was kindly but firmly ushered out. I went home to find my mother and grandmother in floods of tears and the police looking very concerned and swiftly halting their area search.

2. Stewardess - I wore blue strawberry fruit punnets on my head and serve air-tea to my cousin. I dreamed of a jet-setting career in the sky visiting all sorts of exotic places. What I did not know then was that I looked naff with a punnet on my head.

3. Hairdresser - My barbies which are now owned by my daughter still bear the scar of my art. It was not to be although I do live out my dream by cutting my family's hair. It is a good compromise. That I only do one hairstyle does not phase me...

4. Forensic Scientist - When I was thirteen I wanted to become an FBI agent and to crack murders. The fact that I am totally squeamish and gag even at the sight of mould and other crud did not in fact dissuade me at the time. It was not meant to be. I am however a bit of a forensic scientist when it comes to keeping an eye on my kids. I know when they have been naughty/in trouble and have an eerie 'profiler' quality about me. It astounds them and frustrates them. I call it Mummy vision.

5. Actress -This is my father's doing. He wanted me to enroll into RADA and become an actooor. I was too scared and it did not happen. No surprises there... I did have a stint of being an extra in Dutch movies and an educational film about AIDS for British Soldiers abroad. I auditioned for it and got rejected because my English was too good. As the Dutch director did want me for the role of a prostitute, I was offered to opportunity to be an extra (prostitute at bar.. A role I came to play in a few other Dutch series ).

6. Fashion Designer - Now this is something that I actually did study for. Only after the second year did I realise that the most likely job I would get after graduation is a position as button-sewer-onner #2. It did not appeal.

7. MSCE - This was based solely on the vision I had of someone asking "My Server crashed can you get an engineer to look at it, STAT?!"and then to see their faces when they found out that it was a woman engineer!! Only after I read the first chapter of part one of the MSCE manual did I find out that it was ARSE-NUMBINGLY boring and that a job requisite was to wear plaid shirts.
I did however become a helpdesk agent. The fact that I don't like telephones or have in-depth technical knowledge did not hinder me in any way.


8. ehm.. I guess I want to be a writer? A jewellery designer? A antique furniture dealer?

God.. I don't know...

Got Fear?

Robert sent me this one today..

http://home.earthlink.net/~houval/gopconstrm.mov

I am scared...but not for the reasons they are giving...

Mac Donald's but not as you know it

Guardian Unlimited The Guardian The question mark over McDonald's
I thought it was a joke.. but in fact McDonald's are deadly serious. McDonald's are going to use a question mark to replace the golden arches as their new logo.

What are they trying to tell us? That they do not know what the hell they are serving us? Or that they don't know what the hell they are doing? It certainly smacks of desperation. Using a question mark as their new logo is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of and wrong on so many levels. What are they going to do with companies who use the question mark in their slogans? Sue them? Are their employees going to feel justified in greeting us with a huh? Instead of a smile?

"McDonald's but not as you know it" will be their new Slogan. What did they do? Ask Spock to think that one up? McDonalds but not as you want to know it.. See how easy that one is? It is the equivalent to giving your newborn baby unfortunate names like Mistikalinagiorgia or D'uanniashaheena or Condolencesaleeeeeeza. (These names I just made up..Use at your own risk and responsibility).

I bet all the other fastfood companies are pinching themselves and laughing themselves giddy...

They'll be singing "Ding Dong the Arch is dead" for many months to come..

(notice the amounts of question marks I have used???? We can until McD unveils their new company identity on Friday..then it will be all over baby!)

Worm your way into health...

I have just seen a documentary about parasites. The first reaction I get when I think about parasites is one of disgust. They did show some pretty disgusting parasites (most of them worms. Like guinea and screw worms) that cause all sorts of misery. It underlines everyone's prejudice that all parasites are bad.

Not totally founded as it turns out. Apparently, parasites like worms can sometimes help in keeping our bodies in balance. In fact intestinal worms are so effective in calming and balancing our immune systems that they are sometimes prescribed for people with hay fever and certain bowel diseases. This treatment means ingesting worm eggs deliberately (eeeeeuw!) . It is even suggested that because we are mostly worm free in the western world we have such high occurrences of asthma and other allergies. The worms need us to exist and it may turn out that we need worms in equal measure to stay healthy too.

It was also suggested that parasites can change normal behaviour. Not only in animals but also in humans.

They gave a few examples where this happens but this one sticks out. A stickleback which is infected with a tapeworm is not frightened by its predators anymore. They showed that very effectively by putting an infected and a healthy stickleback in a tank and then putting a fake herron lookylikey above it. The healthy stickleback fled like its life depended on it but the infected stickleback did not even move and just stared the herron out. In nature the herron eats the infected stickleback, the tapeworm releases its eggs in its guts and the herron poo lands in the water to make the circle complete. The tapeworm thus benefits from altering the behaviour.

They also touched upon the fact that one in three of us is infected by taxoplasmosis parasite which lodges in our brain. The Taxoplasmosis protozoa alters the behaviour in rats in a very similar way to the tape worm altering the behaviour of the stickleback. Rats are carriers but taxoplasma parasites need another host to complete the cycle. Cats are notorious for being active hosts and because they make the rat less fearless, they more easily become prey for a cat to complete the cycle. We get infected by our cats in obvious ways (eeeuw eeeeuw!!!) and this has also been linked to reckless behaviour. People with taxoplasmosis infections have slower reactions and also show a lessened sense of danger.

Now I am a cat owner and again I have found another reason NOT to drive a car. Which in fact proves that I have not been infected because if I had, I would probably have less fear of driving. This is my version of the story and I am sticking to it.

So in conclusion some parasites ARE useful.. Even though they are thoroughly disgusting....

Another example of utter spinelessness

I wrote this as a comment to the wonderful post of Kissme and I thought it best to post the comment here to strengthen my resolve in losing some weight...

I was feeling so guilty yesterday for being overweight and not doing a single thing about it, that I actually did some exercise...I put on a exercise tape over which my daughter had taped a program about the spice girls (that tells you how long I haven't used that tape!) and had to resort to Yoga to which I am a little allergic due to the high "I am spiritually so more in touch with my innerself and have conversations with Shiva" factor.

I did 2 up side down inside out dogs and 2 warrior doodahs (not only did I get the breathing completely wrong, I also don't know what the hell I am doing) when my mother called and asked if I wanted to go to the park for a walk. I got dressed in 10 seconds flat and when we arrived we dived into the nearest park cafe. I had a huge hot chocolate with whipped cream and a few bites of apple pie, both of which were forced on my by my mother in a most unsavoury manner.

Funnily enough this action did kind of aggrevate the initial feeling of being a bloated inert whale type person.

Today was better. At lunch time I walked briskly for a whole 10 minutes and when I got home I stuffed my face with chocolate.

At least I am keeping the walking up..

Maybe I should look at this website more often to put me off food... It totally grossed out Big Dog hehehe.

Hear Hear....

From today's Guardian Unlimited. A speech written by Simon Schama for John Kerry that just hits several huge mo-fo-ing nails in the cranium of Bush...

Please read!

Guardian Unlimited | US elections 2004 | Dear John, try this ...

By the way... Schama when said in Dutch means pubic hair.. but do not let that distract you from his fine words.

Of Bunny Boilers and Ruby Slippers

There are some popular culture images and words that evoke something very strong when you talk about them. "Think of this example" I said to a friend: "When you say Bunny Boiler.. What do you think of"? He, to my surprise, did not know what the hell I was talking about.

Of course ,most people will know I am talking about a scary stalky woman who has had a one night stand with a married man but wants more and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. The term Bunny Boiler comes from the Glen Close character in Fatal Attraction who (Spoiler alert) boils the bunny of Michael Douglas' daughter to prove she loves him and wants him back (end of Spoiler alert).
Yah!.. good tactic!

Groundhog day is another term that now has a life of its own. I am sure it has all but replaced the term Deja Vu for some people. I know I use " Groundhog Day" often when I feel that I have experienced something before and I am sure that people have never seen this movie, still know what you mean when you use the term. It is a scary thing to be doing the same fecking thing day in day out...... Wait... isn't that is already happening to me?..

Jaws, The Matrix, The Shining, 2001: A space oddyssey and Alien all have left their mark on us and on subsequent movies. For example: In Toy Story, the carpet used in that vicious boy Sid's house (if that isn't a reference to the Sex Pistols I will eat my socks) was the exact same design as the carpet of the overlook hotel in The Shining.

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What about the word Munchkin? Everyone knows it means a small person. The remarkable thing is, this word never existed until after it was used in the Wizard of Oz to describe the small people that inhabited the land of Oz. The Wizard of Oz has had an enormous influence on popular culture. Nearly every movie made makes a tribute to Dorothy and her little dog. I think the line "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" and all its variations is widely used. "I'm Melting!" is another one that is commonly used by all.. If you go to IMDB.com and look at the movie connections of this movie, it is astounding. The list is endless. It has become a movie cliché like telephone numbers beginning with 555-XXX. And to top it all, the song "Over the Rainbow" was ranked #1 by the American Film Institute in 2004 on the 100 Greatest Songs in American Films list. Ruby Slippers are wanted by every girl on the planet and the chant of the guardsmen of the Wicked Witch has been used in a song by Prince.

Quite a feat for an old movie made for children.

Don't let the mountain set new frontiers.

I love singing. I think I possess a fine singing voice that is perfectly suited for private singing in the bathroom and when alone (although I would love to be discovered. Seriously!). I have played the game Sing Star to a very high level and I am in actual fact a successful chart-topping superstar in the Sing Star universe.

Anyway, although I may be a fine singer.. I am absolutely crap at remembering lyrics. I never listen to the lyrics anyway and they are often misheard when I do. This seems to hold me back from attaining fame and fortune

Prime examples:

That christmas song by The Darkness..

There is a line that goes "Don’t let the bells end". I have made this, by some weird shortcut in my brain, into "Don’t let the mountain". It did not register at any point that this was an unlikely part of the song. Only when my daughter pointed it out did I see my stupidity. When I am not paying attention I still sing it, though..

While we are on a christmas theme

George Michael’s Last Christmas: There is a line "To save me from tears". This in Juliet’s universe is "to set new frontiers." You see a pattern emerging? Mountains? Frontiers? Christmas?

I must be the love child of Calamity Jane and Father Christmas. That or a more likely explanation: I am slightly lyrically challenged and I have an intense desire to be the love child of Calamity Jane and Father Christmas.

Either way. Not good for my musical career.

Time is an eternal moment of now

Albert Einstein has been credited with the above statement.

What he meant by it is that there is no past. Only the traces of it which are left in your brain. There is no future. Only a concept of what the future might be based on past experiences.

When I think about that my brain goes into overload. It is like the concept of infinity. Or that space is infinitely big. I have never been able to comprehend either.

What does it mean that there is no past, no future just the now? How long does "now" last? A few nanoseconds?

If you give it a number of nanoseconds you can still divide it into the past and what is still to pass. So the only answer is that "now" lasts 0 seconds. Here is where it gets mind boggling. Isn't 0+0=0? So why does time pass at all? After all, time is made up of moments that don't last.

I think it is essential to separate the human concept of time and the reality of "now". We have devised ways to be able to count the zeros to see a time line. We can project the zeros ad infinitum to get a continuous line into the future (albeit a theoretical one).

Another dimension to "now" is that it takes our brain a few nanoseconds to process what the senses have registered. So in fact we have two time lines. The actual "now" and the perceived "now". They run parallel but are not in synch. A bit like a sound track which does not run in time with the frames.

What I find hard to comprehend is that if we did not process and store all these moments of now, we would not have lives. Just incoherent random moments that do not have meaning and do not build up to anything. It might be scientific fact but because we have consciousness and are able to remember, our lives are not eternal moments of now.

Our lives are made up from memories, hopes and fears ranging from unimportant to live altering.

Thank god for that, eh?

The Tatanka effect...

I called one of my best friends today. She recently got married and is now so poor she has been reduced to baking her own cakes to get her sweet tooth filled. Well, not quite but that is how she brings it. She is also too poor now to have range on her mobile phone in her own house. She has to hang out of the window to get some network cover and calls are dropped, on average, 3 times every 15 minutes. Despite all these hurdles and tests of our patience, we always laugh. Laugh at the most simple and spookily similar things. I can't really say what exactly... We just spark.

I'll give you an example (although that won't make it any clearer)

Tatanka is a word that induces endless mirth in the both of us. It is the Lokota word for Buffalo. It was used in the movie Dances with Wolves. It made me laugh when I saw it and it had the exact same effect on her. Independently. Now if you ask me what I find funny about it, I couldn't tell you. I just think it is funny.

I know this propensity to laugh at things that normally people don't find funny is extremely annoying to others. It makes them feel excluded. Not part of our little clique. I totally understand because I find it very annoying too when I am not part of a joke and no one explains to you why they are laughing.

Our problem is that we can tell the joke but that gives absolutely no guarantee that the person wanting to know will think it is funny. Chances are that they won't.

Tatanka... No? Not funny? Say it oud loud... Ta-Tan-ka..

See?

Fact check? Fat Chance

I came across a website which verifies the "facts" and statements being wielded by both the Kerry and Bush campaigners. It is called factcheck and after reading some of the "facts" that have been thrown about in both gents' name, I have come to the conclusion that both Bush and Kerry are big fat liars (which may or may not come as a surprise).

The current score is: Bush is responsible for 65% of the deliberate inexactitudes which makes him the winner (those stats I just made up to stay in the vein of this post) .

I also read that the Florida election system has not improved since the last election. His brother is still the governor of Florida and this will probably mean that more democrat voters will be intimidated not to vote which, in turn, will allow Bush to steal another election.

Don't you just wish I was lying?

Nani..nano...naniwromi....ehhhh

NaNoWriMo! It took a while before I could say it without looking....

Now I have to do it..


Leafing through the Blogs I cottened on to the word (if you can call it that). I couldn't quite figure out what it was about but due to the amazing technology that is a search engine I got my information after only one click.

NaNoWriMo is a competition for people like myself who think they can write ( which is still open to debate) and are willing to dedicate a month of their life to write a novel of a minimum length of 50,000 words, about 175 pages. It starts on November 1st and ends at midnight November 30th.

Registration starts on October 1st.

It is not important what you write, it is not important whether or not you can write.. All that matters is that you do it (with the proviso that Jack Torrance style of writing.. "all work and no play make Jack a dull boy" is not attempted).
I have now decided that I will enter this competition and at least start writing a story. I know I am not going to finish it, but I am willing to give it a go.


I shudder to think what I will be like in the month of November... I can see it now............
-----------------------------------------------
"Now, we're going to make a new rule. When you come in here and you hear me typing
[types]
or whether you DON'T hear me typing, or whatever the FECK you hear me doing; when I'm in here, it means that I am working, THAT means don't come in. Now, do you think you can handle that?"
_______________________________-
Oh yeah.. I am going to enjoy this...

Horizon

I love Horizon. The documentary series that deals with a variety of subjects, usually the unusual and exciting.

Horizon documentaries usually follow this line:

Something astounding has been discovered that is too good to be true. *Cue Dramatic Music*

Disbelieving scientists perform tests to disprove earlier findings. *Cue Cool Loungy Music*

This test disproves earlier findings. *Cue Dramatic Music*.
The End.

Every time it is the same thing. It is science's version of Silent Witness. The music takes the place where in that show the lead character stare in the distance in a wistful knowing way. (Cue Amanda Burton!) and the perp is always caught.

What it actually shows is that the world of science have their own problems. They have their share of crooks who try to con the scientific world to attain glory. Of course many are caught but what if a percentage does not? How many scientists make up theorems, findings and conclusions and are never found out?

Last week's episode was about religious artifacts recently found in Israel. The sarcophagus of Jesus' brother and a stone which was once part of Solomon's temple. The guy who found the former also claimed to have found the latter. Very suspicious indeed but this only came to light after the artifacts were found to be genuine. Another batch of tests were performed and these undermined the initial conclusions and findings of the first gaggle of scientists . *shock* *horror*.

I don't have to tell you that those scientists have a whole omelet on their face... I mean, honestly. If a sarcophagus is found with "Son of Joseph, brother of Jesus" scribbled on it and your first instinct is to believe it, you have no right to call yourself a scientist.

But if these people didn't exist there would be no Horizon. It would make the world a less interesting place.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind..

I went to see this movie recently. "Best movie I have seen this year" one of my best friends said. "Better than American Beauty even". And if this didn't raise the bar high enough for this movie he added "If you don't like it, then it could jeopardise our friendship".

Well I tell you, that was it. I had to like this movie. So I sat in the cinema.. ready to go and what unfolded was.. different.

Now don't get me wrong. I like different more than the next person but that was not the defining character of this movie. I just didn't get it. I got the concept but I just didn't get "IT". That indefinable something that makes a movie memorable. Lost in Translation. That is different but has that something magical that this movie lacked. Completely.

Carrey gives a great understated performance but I guess Jim Carrey's character was not really interesting until 10 minutes toward the end. Kate Winslet was also good but her Clementine was unlovable.. until 10 minutes before the end. By that time it was too late. I hadn't really warmed to them. So, I didn't have the epiphany promised when watching the movie. I didn't have incredible moments of clarity afterwards.

I felt let down because I really did want to like it!! But there really isn't one moment or one line that I would cherish..

Except for the scene in the kitchen when Joel (Carrey) is talking with his friends Rob and Carrie, a married couple, about his heartache over the breakup with Clementine (Winslet). In the background you hear incessant hammering interrupted by a loud "Fuck!". Carrie turns and hisses "Will you give it a rest"? And Rob says, eyes rolling "Carrie, I am making a birdhouse!"

Funny.. But not the classic I had hoped for.

So now it comes.. My top 5 for the year...

1.)Lost in Translation
2.)Bourne Supremacy
3.)Igby goes down (I saw it this year)
4.)Cold Mountain
5.)Kill Bill II

Being Invisible....

Isn't it crazy. As we get older we grow more and more invisible...... It is something that does not happen all at once but creeps up on you,slowly, steadily, surely.

I have noticed it happening to me. I am not unattractive but I have noticed that the looks I used to get now rarely happen. The ironic thing is, that when it did happen to me, I was never sure whether I liked it or not. I wasn't sure if they looked at me because I was pretty, or whether they thought I was weird looking.

They probably looked at me because I was young.

I catch myself doing the same. Looking at someone and admiring their youth but at the same time glad to be no longer 18 or 20. I hated being that young. At that age I did not know my self worth. I did not know that I was pretty and I certainly did not know what I know now.

I am not saying that knowing more is necessarily better. I am a firm believer of being ignorant of lots of things. Of things that do not make you a better person for knowing them. Like for example having the knowledge they are going to fire someone before that person knows. That is never good. Or knowing that your butt is really that big and it is not just an optical illusion.

But being invisible is not nice. It makes you feel less desirable. Less valid. And that is pretty pathetic if you think about it. Why do I need the stares of a stranger to validate that I exist? That I am worth something? That I am desirable?

I guess I need it because if no one acknowledges you, you are alone and if you notice the deminishment of the attention you get, you are on the road to being alone. That is what it means to me. That is what scares me the most. Being alone. Being lonely. Having no one to care about you.

You may disagree. You may think that you have some control over this.

I tell you that you don't. Think about it. If you are old and decrepid and you cannot even remember your daughter's name and you cannot even remember that you were once a smart person but all you know now is that you will get peas and mash for supper (and that is on a good day). When you cannot even remember that your children and your grandchildren came by last year but they have stopped coming because it is just too painful to see you like this but your are too far gone to notice that too. How much control do you have then? All you know is that there is something missing. Something fundamental. Something important..It gnawes that big empty hole in the pit of your stomach.

The weird thing is that you already know what that feels like. I do. It scares the hell out of me. So to make good Karma I make a point of noticing old people. But not for long. I easily fall back to looking at young people. At admiring their youth and at the same time not envying all that entails. I guess it is only natural.

A Show about North Korea..

I have just seen the very impressive video by Faithless "I Want More". (requires Quicktime, and open it in a separate)

It is scary to think that it actually used real footage of North Korean pageants which are staged there on a regular basis. The "Dear Leader" Kim Jong Il has turned his subjects into a circus act.

In this video you can see how extremely bendy and eerily synchronized the acrobats are. The borg would be envious.

They are "cheered on" by the country's leaders dripping with their 15 pieces of "flair". Most are already one foot in the grave, while children, that over here would still be in kindergarten, show skills which wouldn't look out of place in the cirque du Soleil. Kim Jong Il has an uncanny resemblance to Seinfeld's Newman in this video.. He smiles crazily/quasi-benevolently from paintings dotted around the arena.

Separated at birth??



The synchronicity of the acts are astounding and the fact that they can produce smiles while doing flip flops all around the vast hall raises the suspicion that there are men with guns on the sidelines ready to wing anyone who loses form.

I don't want to trivialize the suffering of the North Koreans. They have had years of famine. Pyongyang is a ghost town and power outages are rife throughout the country. If you look at the space photograph of the earth at night you see great swaithes of darkness across north Korea. And what is worse,every morning at 7 am they are awoken with the sung tribute to their dead "great leader" titled "10 Milion Human Bombs for Kim Il Sung". I bet that one is catchy..

Faithless' video is chilling. Watch it and tell me what you think...

More about North Korea you can find here

For Korean propaganda go here: .

Spot the differences...

My apologies for the overuse of "quotation marks". I couldn't get around it.

Dogs are curaaaazy..

As you may or may not know, I have a dog. A Jack Russell stylee dog with pointy ears and perfect symetry in its face.

Exhibit A (except ours has pointy ears but the markings are identical)

.

He is mad. No he is just weird!.


To wit:


1.) He shags the cat. He is an unneutered male and the cat is one 100% non gender specific (we do not mention in front of him that his balls have been taken. He was out at the time and cannot remember). The cat pretends to hate it but never seems to do a damn thing about it. However, I have noticed that this does not go on in public. I have stumbled in many a time and caught them in delicto flagrante after which the cat throws lame objections to being humped. It never convinces.

2.) He understands English. If you say to him "Look!" He will turn his head and look at the TV. (Even if you point in the opposite direction. The words bow wow, Jack Russell and pussy have the same effect) He will remain transfixed until someone switches it off or until he has caught the creature on the TV. (the latter never happens but he does not seem to grasp this concept. TELEVISION IS NOT REAL!! ).

3.) If he needs to a. go to the loo or b. needs to be fed, he will commence a staring competition with me (and noone else) to persuade me to delegate to someone and relieve the endless suffering of a poor helpless shortlegged brown and white spotted dog. I always lose this competition and am willess at the end. I have to demand that someone walk him or feed him. If noone responds to this unbearable suffering I end up doing it. If you want to ascertain whether it is a. or b. or both you go: " do you need walkies? or do you need foodies?" Which ever gets the biggest tilt of the head wins. If it is a tie, it means he needs both.

4.) He pees his marker on the front porch flower arrangement (they call it a garden but it is hardly that) which drives the neighbour downstairs totally bonkers(Ironically she is a shrink!) I have to teach my dog some manners but unfortunately he does not comply. I don't quite understand the fuss and I cannot be bothered to analyse it.

5.) When he runs after a ball or a toy on our laminate flooring, he looks like a cartoon character who cannot quite get a grip and you cannot see his legs in the blur... (think Scooby doo) I find it very funny every time.

6.) He barks at good looking women that are not me (I mean, look at that pic.. gorgeous I tell ya, gorgeous!). To dispell the myth. I did not train him to do that.

7.) He cannot handle the stress and responsibility of a bone (for chewing!). He gets very grumpy and refuses to sleep. He will guard it tirelessly and he will even refuse to follow us around like a shadow like he normally does. In the end I have to take the bone away and he perks up immediately. We try to tell him that his bone(for chewing!) is just NOT attractive to us and ask him whether he can recally ANY time when either of us crouched down to get it and chew at it. This does not seem to register.

He is such fun.. Mad but fun. The only thing I would say about Jack Russels to you gents is to not pee while standing up in front of them if you trained them to jump UP and UP and UP. .if you catch my drift

Well off to bed.. Push off the dog to make room..

My Picture..

My colleague.. Let's call him Stefan has been hassling me over my profile picture...
"What is wrong with my picture?" I ask,
He does not hesitate and dives straight in. "Well, your picture on your blog is severely traumatizing me, to be honest. It reminds me of psychopath's mask in Scream". "You also look like you have been scalped and you have a dreamcatcher earring thing going on there".

Of course I laughed. Unfortunately he wasn't kidding..

"No, no, no" he says. "It is just not right. Let Ron (my other colleague) take a picture with his homophone and use that". (That is what he calls it. Ron's Nokia 7610.. And if you look at the picture you know why.. I mean, it has a mirror for putting on lippy for goodness sake.....And it is white!!!)




"No thanks" I say sulkily.. "There really is no hope. Good pictures of me are as rare as a brain cell in Jessica Simpson's head".

But you know, what I don't understand. I like that picture. In fact I am proud of it.

It is my best one.

What is wrong with....His eyes? Is he blind? I am bloody gorgeous in that picture..

I'm not bitter. Much. But I am thinking up a retort..
Maybe I will ask him to close the blinds because the sun on his scalp is blinging in my eye. (For the record he is not bald but why not pray on his little insecurities?).

Anyway, I am rethinking the photo. I will probably have to go to a professional photographer to match that work of art.

I know. I am weak.

I'm Fresh.. Exciting..

http://www.technorati.com/cosmos/search.html?rank=&url=roel%20pieper

Can you believe it? I am number one on a search engine.. a search engine called technorati no less....

How cool is that!?

Of course.. you are never fresh for long.. so this post will probably have to be removed soon...

Update 15th Sept: I am now also number one on Altavista and CNN!!!

I guess this is my 15 minutes of fame..

Count them out?

What would the world be like if we could not or did not count? It is an interesting notion. We get a glimpse of it when we read this article.

In the Amazon lives a tribe that has no words for numbers. It transpires that because of this they cannot count, or at least are very limited in their ability to assess numbers.

The Pirahã, a hunter-gatherer tribe in the Brazilian Amazon, have only the concepts of one, two and many. A behavioural researcher tested whether or not they could understand the concepts of the different numbers without having words for them by lining up a number of batteries and asking the tribesmen to match the amount. They struggled when the amount was more than three and clearly did not have a natural understanding of numbers. (This is now the subject of hot debate among scientists).

Now what fascinates me is not only the fact that they had no concept of numbers but mainly that they got by very well without it. They just need to know that one is one and only alone and two is not alone and more than that is just many. What more is there?

It makes me wonder whether or not they have a concept of greed... And if not, does this imply that greed is related to being able to count? By the ability to see that someone has more than you by exact numbers?

If the Pirahã divide food they will probably not measure the exact amount of fruit, berries or bits of meat one individual has had. They will divide equally but without exactness. There is no need for exactness and therefore they cannot be exact. How then do they assess what is fair and what is not in measuring/counting terms? Or is this irrelevant to them?


What would their lives be like if they are taught numbers and how to count? Will it enrich their lives or irreparably change it? Will it make them more 'civilized'? More like us?

I hope they will never find out. If by now they have not had the need, they probably never will.

I am an ENTP. What is an ENTP?

Extroverted (E) 51.85% Introverted (I) 48.15% Imaginative (N) 55.56% Realistic (S) 44.44% Intellectual (T) 52.94% Emotional (F) 47.06% Easygoing (P) 58.33% Organized (J) 41.67% Your type is: ENTP You are an Inventor, possible professions include - systems designer, venture capitalist, actor, journalist, investment broker, real estate agent, real estate developer, strategic planner, political manager, politician, special projects developer, literary agent, restaurant/bar owner, technical trainer, diversity manager, art director, personnel systems developer, computer analyst, logistics consultant, outplacement consultant, advertising creative director, radio/TV talk show host.

Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

These type of Tests are such fun. I think I would like to be a something creative. Like Art Director... but what the hell is a diversity manager?

I think Blogging is a means of really getting to know oneself. I want to know more about other people too. It is cathartic. Clean, wholesome fun and I am impressing loads of people with my newly aquired HTML skills. What is there not to like?

Although.. If I look at the results I am a straight down the middle type person..

Hmff.

A sneaking suspicion is building that this could mean that I'm just mediocre and this test is to scared to tell me.... Maybe these people are right after all.

*waves fist to sky* Damn you self doubt!

Dating Agency for Republicans

I came across this beauty today. Actually, I say beauty but what I mean is horrible example of sectarianism.

http://www.conservativematch.com/

The blurb on the advert is this: " Stop dating Liberals! Are you tired of arguing politics on your dates?" " Are you sick of your girlfriend or Boyfriend bash President Bush?".

My first instinct was to laugh.. I couldn't believe this could be serious..
The next feeling that cropped up was fear. Fear of what this could mean. The Conservatives want to be deaf dumb and blind to what is happening and they certainly do not want to hear arguments that may sway them. The Conservatives are scared of being accused of Flip Flopping. It goes so far as to totally cut out any people who think differently from them. Cut them out! Right out!

The next thing you know is that Liberals are shunned completely (Are you a good Conservative or a dirty rotten Liberal?)..

This is my view of the future if we don't come to our senses very quickly indeed.

• Before you know it, there will be schools that only take on people who have conservative beliefs and their lineage can be traced back 4 generations to Conservatives who voted Republican. (Well... this happens already to a certain extent in both the UK and US)

• Conservative children are forbidden from playing with Liberal offspring. They are inferior because they are liable to change their minds... This is not a human quality. No, this is an affliction that is only found in Liberals. Liberal children are teased in mixed schools and are called flipflops.

• There will be Liberal ghetto's. Manhattan could possibly be such a ghetto. Of course the Conservatives could try to get Manhattan back because of its strategic importance. Bloody battles ensues. Sniping from high buildings is rife and liberal civilians are shot whilst doing their daily errands. (Where is Snake Plissken when you need him?)

• There could be Romeo and Juliet Scenarios between Liberals and Conservatives.. Bush might have to pass laws to forbid any such interaction and marriages. It might muddle the blood of good Conservatives as it is deemed ungodly.

• Liberals will be refused entry into cafes, restaurants and diners.

• Liberals have to sit in the back of the bus and wear tags that identify themselves, as some Liberals have been known to pass themselves off as Conservatives to get the same treatment as other Conservatives.

• Liberals in the end will topple the statues of the dictator and bash them with flipflops..

You get the picture? Is it a scary one? It scares the crap out of me...

This is my son's assesment of the situation: " So if you join this dating agency you get a date with Bush?".

I guess that puts it in perspective.

The Mystery of the Lost Source Code...

I have heard of an extraordinary story about a Dutch man, Jan Sloot, who invented a new source code in 1995 that could compress data to such an extent that it would revolutionise the technology industry and could possibly destroy existing companies.

He went with his invention to Philips on March 4th 1999 and gave an impressive demonstation. He had a box the size of 5 packs of cigarets and in it he put a card with a 64K chip. On it were 64 full size movies. The Philips CEO at the time, Roel Pieper, left Philips shortly after this demonstration and, so goes the rumour, joined him on a venture to bring this invention to heart of silicon valley. The inventor Jan Sloot died 2 months later of a heart attack taking the secret with him. Roel Pieper never explained why he left Philips and downplays the invention now. It, according to him, was technically not feasible.

Well this is the description of the invention...
The Sloot Digital Coding System (SDCS) would shake the world. A new alfabet for digital information storage and transport that no longer uses the binary system of ones and zeros but instead uses a much more efficient method. The principle is amazingly simple. Just as a piece of text comprises of a limited number of characters, a movie comprises of a finite number of colours and sounds. These basics are stored in five algorythms in five different memories. For each of the memories the algorythms would comprise of a maximum of 74 Mb per memory.

This was the engine of the invention. The only thing needed to start a movie was a key. Sloot calculated for each frame of a movie a unique code of which another unique code was made. This last code was called the key. It took only 1 (one) KB of memory, regardless of the length of the movie. One simple chipcard could store tens of keys to tens of movies. In this way you could get a key that, with the basic algorythms (in total 370MB)stored on an algorythm player, could "re-make" the movie. This could spell the end for DVD, CD and fibre optics highspeed networks. Copper could be again sufficient and all the billions invested in fiber optics could sink data communication industry.

When I read this story I got chills. Could it be true? Technical experts are divided on the subject. It is not surprising. It sounds pretty unbelievable but there must have been something to it if the CEO of Philips was swayed and quit his job to helm this doomed venture called the Fifth Force.

There is one person who claims that he has the invention with patent in a vault but he will not divulge.

I love mysteries.. I wonder if it will ever be (re) discovered.

100M in 11,16 seconds

I think that is pretty good considering it was done by a 14 year old boy. My son.. Max. I am so proud of him. He qualified himself for the interschool athletics tournament to be held soon in Eindhoven.

He had the second fastest time. Isn't that something?

I am seeing that gold medal already, or is that too much pressure? I want to him to believe in himself so maybe encouragement is a better word.

Although.....I am expecting that he will look after me when he becomes a famous athlete. No pressure..

Hundred things about me.

1. I am a late 60's child. I even lived in London then.
2. I am 5' 8" and a little overweight..
3. I have two children. A boy and a girl. They are 14 and 11.
4. I am half American.
5. I am more Dutch then American but I do at times want to live in America.
6. I hate closed minds.
7. My first memory is of walking around London with my mother. I smelt roasting of coffee and to this day, when I smell it, it brings me back to that moment.
8. I cannot watch suffering of children or animals.
9. I have lived in London, UK, Florida, Cayman Islands and Amsterdam.
10. My favourite city is New York.
11. I love the countryside too but I am an urban girl.
12. I know the name of many animals. One of my favourites is the Gekko. I love poison dart frogs too and I am fascinated by Praying Mantises.
13. I cannot get over that I have a dimple in my left cheek that I have passed on to my daughter and which in turn I have inherited from my father..I want to know where in the DNA that dimple gene is.
14. I believe that I am intelligent.
15. I think I am incredibly stupid at times. Embarrassingly so.
16. I cannot live without perfume. My favourite at the moment is Marc Jacobs.
17. I am a shoeholic. But I a am also a shoe snob. It has to be made of good leather, be leather lined and have leather soles. This is fortunate. I only buy a pair shoes twice a year.
18. I love movies. They are my favourite form of escapism.
19. I have ridden a horse at night during full moon. It was truly magical.
20. I am moved by genius. I am also deeply envious of it.
21. I am moved by feminine beauty. I am also deeply envious of it.
22. When I love a song it will play through my mind for a few days even whilst I am asleep.
23. I love the English Language.
24. I love to see my children develop. I love it that they are very different from me.
25. I love dying my hair red. I want to dye it copper red but I am scared of what others might say.
26. I love cocktails in a martini glass.

Congratulations!! You're a colorful and
sophisticated Cosmopolitan!!


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27. I love autumn more than I love Summer
28. I have broken in a stalion . At the time I thought I was going to fall off and die.
29. I love cooking curries.
30. I still use a silkscarf as a comforter. This I have done since I was a baby.
31. I love mysteries.
32. When I ride horses, I am totally oblivious of what goes around me. An hour passes in a second.
33. I am scared of being alone. I am never alone. I am at times lonely.
34. I can control my dreams. I love scary dreams.
35. I get depressed when I go to the circus. I don't go therefore. My kids still blame me (well not really)
36. I love genealogy.
37. My ancestors had slaves.
38. I have indian blood.
39. My totem is a hawk.
40. I can navigate. I can read a map too.
41. I thought the world came to an end on 11 Sep 2001.
42. I love reading. I have 2 books on the go at the same time.
43. I love the internet. I think it is the best invention in the world. I love it when you can have knowledge within a fraction of a second. I never grow tired of it.
44. I love old photographs of my ancestors.
45. I have never been so impressed by beauty as when I went snorkeling in the Cayman Islands. The blues of the fish are electric!
46. I have had more than my fair share of abandoned beaches in Spain the Cayman Islands and Ibiza. It makes you feel extra special. How many times are we truly alone in nature?
47. I have been to Florida, Louisiana, Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee, New York, London, Cayman Islands, Belize, Spain, Ibiza,Turkey, Sicily, Italy, South of France, Paris.
48. I love classical choir music. My favourite is Great Mass in C Minor by Mozart and his Requiem.
49. I want to write a movie script.
50. I own a share of a Da Vinci Statue.
51. Buying this share cost us our house in 1995.
52. I think my 84 year old Grandmother is the funniest person I know.
53. I have never been baptised. Neither have my children. I did go to Catholic school however.
54. I hope that I won't reincarnate. I have had a pretty good life and I don't think it could get any better.
55. I am scared of driving. I want to get rid of this fear but I am scared to. I think this fear protects me from getting killed.
56. I am bi-lingual. My kids are bi-lingual too.
57. I want to be a jewellery designer.
58. My favourite stone is Aquamarine.
59. My favourite colour is Red.
60. I didn't start drinking until I was 30.
61. I have an addictive personality.
62. I started smoking when I was 15 and quit a few times. My last time was 6 years ago. I have the occasional one but I am no longer addicted to cigarettes. I am now addicted to my silk scarf.
63. My feet are the best part of me. I also like me dimple.. in my cheek.. on my face..
64. I have had interactions with ghosts. Did not see them but they made their presence known.
65. I don't eat breakfast.
66. I love pepperoni Pizza, Calamari and handmade Italian Ice Cream.
67. My favourite pasta dish is made with a sauce from a jar that I spruce up a bit. shhh..
68. I have a secret that I cannot reveal to anyone.
69. I have a temper.
70. I am a bit of a magpie. I love sparkly things.
71. I have number dyslexia. I switch numbers around and can never remember them. I do remember patterns and this is the way I remember telephone numbers.
72. I paint sometimes.
73. I can draw quite well but gave it up when my children were born. I miss it terribly.
74. I love singing.
75. I never get lyrics right. Which is an endless source of mirth to my kids..
76. I am an instinctive cook. I don't need to measure.. I just do it. I have not burnt anything in a long time.
77. I used to go to fashion design college.
78. I cannot sew very well. This is the reason why I left fashion college
79. I want to learn Japanese. I know a few words that I picked up from watching Shogun.
80. I used to go to school around the corner from the Amstel Brewery.
81. I am not very spiritual. I think I gave up believing in a benevolent god after seeing the unecessary suffering of children. If he won't look out for the ones in dire need, will he grant anything as trivial as a new job? Get real.
82. I do believe in fate. Things happen for a reason.
83. I hate those" You're so special and I am glad I am your friend" chain letters. They are so false.
84. Engrish makes me chuckle
85. I adore laughing and my favourite type of humour is slightly abstract.
86. I love the Far Side.
87. Although I am no longer in contact with my father, I am proud of him.
88. I love it when my kids know more than me.
89. My middle name is Christina
90. I know that the bits in Orange Juice to make it appear freshly squeezed are manufactured.
91. I adore the smell of Limes.
92. Looking at stars and the Milky Way makes me feel funny.
93. I know a lot of things and can do a lot of things but I am an expert at nothing. I really want to find my expertise.
94. I am shy.
95. I love writing caligraphy.
96. The strangest thing I have ever eaten are frogs legs and Escargot.
97. I love trying new things...
98. I love rainbows thrown from the crystal in my window.
99. I don exercise enough. Not by far.
100. I don't like talking on the telephone. I inherited that from my father.

When PCs attack....

I am just having my lunch break right now. I have finally been able to upload those pictures in my last post and I feel happy. Happy that I have learned something new in contrast to yesterday when I was totally frustrated when I hit the proverbial techie wall.

I am a totally impatient biatch when I am trying to do something and it does not work. I get palpitations, I start swearing, cursing and blinding but that does not seem to resolve anything, funnily enough. It is also always the program's fault. My computer's fault. I am doing it right but the stupid computer doesn't understand what I mean.

Well. I don't have to tell you that that is just stupid. My PC does know what I mean but it just refuses to do what I say. It is as simple as that.

It snapped out of it this morning and below is the result.

The poppy

I know this is a very touchy subject. Terrorists are evil. They are the scum of the earth. They do not deserve to breathe the same air as us. Waste of space. Oh there are so many clichés I could use. All of them are true. All of them are what we feel deep down. Dead Children are evidence enough that we need to act.

One blogger said: " We need to fight the war on Terror not in a courtroom but on the battlefield".

My question is: Where is this battlefield? Is it Iraq? Now we all know by now that Iraq is not the source of terrorism. If anything the war in Iraq fuels it. We fight there. Lives are being lost there. Oil prices shoot up and up and up and even more people are sent overseas to fight. Of course we need to sacrifice and pay our dues to attain peace. But when are we throwing good lives after bad?

I fear Peace is "like poppies spread. Seize the flower and its bloom is shed" ( paraphrasing Robert Burns).



I am not saying that you can have peace by just being an observer. But you may keep/attain peace by leaving things the f*ck alone!

I can think of many examples.. Let's look at N-Ireland. We don't need bleedin' Orange men marching through Catholic neighbourhoods to provoke and to pick a fight. But what would happen if the catholics just stay in their houses and waved? What would happen then?

I know I am being simplistic. Or naive. But for some reason my feeling is that we make things too complicated.

Blood has been shed but an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth does not work.

We would all look like this..





The Beslan School Massacre was perpetrated by Chechnyans and hired mercenaries. The hired mercenaries are worse than scum but what about the Chechnyans? Their country has been a battlefield for many years now. Russia has commited some atrocities of its own (they estimate that russian soldiers raped over 2.000.000 East German women after the war), and it has spawned some evil people among the Chechnyans. Some of them women, young, pretty even,who do not blink an eye at blowing up a whole school and murdering innocent children.

If I was one of the parents who lost a child I would like the head of the persons responsible. On a stake. No doubt about it. I guess I wouldn't give a toss about peace either, initially. But it would come. When hatred disappates slightly.

I think no nation has the right to be sanctimonious. Every nation has commited atrocities under its flag. In the past. In the present. In the future. We will create vengeful, angry, warped, evil people in doing so.

Ah well. Poppies will grow again in May. I do so have the urge to pick them.

Windows to people's lives..

When I was little, and sitting in my grandfather's car at night, I used to look at all the appartment blocks and all the lit up windows, seeing people moving around behind them, living their lives and I wondered about how different their lives were.. I always got a funny feeling that is difficult to describe.

I get that same feeling when I browse through all these blogs of people with similar interests and similar tastes and I wonder whether or not we are unique.. I am not so sure... you get glimpses of these peoples lives and their view on the world. Of course, they only show what they want you to see but that, like net curtains behind a window, only partly covers what goes on and what people are about... Emotion. Universal it is.. (without wanting to sounding too much like Yoda) and what binds us all (without wanting to sounding too much like Galadriel) .


I have read about..

- Horror over all the loss of young and innocent lives in Beslan.
- Grief for all the people who are starving in Sudan but are now no longer in the news because of the massacre at Beslan.

I see people write about it in their blogs and of course they stand still and think about it but they go on with their lives and that is the way it should be. There is only so much viewing of those raw emotions and pain that you can bear... We are just not able to take it in and it makes us feel powerless, useless and guilty. We draw the drapes... We block it out.

But for the grace of god, eh?

Of Curries and Intellectuals

This weekend I decided to stick to one cuisine. I have made curries Saturday and Sunday and have spent a total of 4-5 hours in the kitchen. I cooked a Tikka Masala type dish complete with saffron pulao rice and chapatis and on Sunday a Chicken Jalfrezi and a potato and pea curry on the side. I did not have any saffron left over, so I made a pulao blanche (made that name up just now).
It was quite good but I am as always, ever so slightly, disappointed. Sometimes I don't know why I keep persevering because it is never as good as I thought it was going to be. Or that it deserves to be considering the time I put into it.

Is it because I am too much of a perrrfectionist/Martha Stewart type person? (Please!) Or is it because I just can't cook as well as I would like to think..

Just exactly the same as that I am never as good looking on photos as I am in my head. I am bloody gorgeous in my head, I am.

And for that matter...what is reality???? A photo??? Pffff.. I have two words for you.. Big Foot. Or is that one word?

Well you know.. You may think that is a big foot but really it is more likely that it is a big man in a hairy suit. So in photographs I may look like a slightly overweight thirtysomething woman but it in actual fact it is more likely I am a thirtysomething slightly overweight stunna.
And a great cook to boot. Or is Jean Baudrillard turning in his grave when I say such things?

Okay.. I sound really pretentious now. Maybe I am also not as intelligent as I'd like to think. hmmmm..
*takes finger to quasi-intellectual chin*


On a lighter note. Jamie Oliver is starting up a "Fifteen" restaurant right here in Amsterdam! I would be very interested in eating there to see if his dishes are better than when I cook them...
In my mind I would think Jamie better watch out..and thtep to the plate.

In reality? Well.....

-Listing to Faithless, No Roots-

20 Questions

I have found a really creepy website. It is not about ghosts, it is not about some mysterious monster roaming the back streets of Amsterdam or the lakes of scotland..No, it is an artificial intelligence that can guess what you are thinking within 20 questions.

Give it a go and be really creeped out!

I am in the IN crowd.

I am now the exclusive and proud owner of a Gmail account. I am very very very pleased. Thank you RKE for that! mail me on juliet1@gmail.com
I also want to give you a little lists of the sites I like:
Starting with:
http://www.forteantimes.com/for all the weird things that happen in this world

http://www.joblo.com/For all the hush, hush and on the Q.T. news on movies. You hear it here first..probably

http://www.cinemascreen.co.uk/ for all your movie recommendations. You rate some movies you like, and up pops some recommendations. It uses a certain formula that works..kinda

Stealing off in the middle of the night....

Well the saga has now finally come to an end. My father has left, vowed he never wanted to see me again (I have not heard him say this.. this is second hand info), and left without saying goodbye. It has been not been a highlight in our father-daughter relationship and I feel that this has been a turning point.

I was wondering why he has no feelings for either myself or for my children? Was it because he was never really loved himself? His mother died when he was 7 and his father and stepmother did not show him a great deal of affection. Besides, children in the states are chastised with belts for not saying SIR,YES SIR when they are asked something (even if the answer should be no). That is something that is fairly alien to the average person who has had a European upbringing.

Well let's just analyze this bit... I am not saying it excuses anything... If you are not loved, and beaten for not saying SIR, YES SIR (even if the answer should be no)you cannot love yourself and therefore cannot love another.. even if it is your own flesh and blood. Capish??

He told my mother he is scared of me. You know, I have barely said anything to my father in all of the 3 hours we were in each others company. Does he feel my silent disapproval? It is there I have to admit.. Disapproval but then again, maybe it is disappointment. I am disappointed that he has not had the courage to stop drinking when I am around. It has always been like that and that is why I do not know my REAL father. I only know the drunken imposter that comes round every 6 years.


By the way.. You know what is spooky? I bought a book when I was in London last week..
I bought this book . My dad bought the same book on the same day in the same shop...oohweeeeeeehooooooooo
Despite the creepy connotations I can't praise this book enough.

READ IT!!!

what a f-fing day this was

Well my father arrived safe and sound. Hit the grouse quite heavily and is still drunk now. He is absolutely unbearable and I have no energy to spend on it. So I am not. I refuse.

Anyway. I also helped a friend of mine move today. She is moving in with her boyfriend. I had to go early because I also had to buy a present for a colleague who is leaving (I bought her something at Gucci's. Trust me, it is not the experience that you would think it to be. I was disappointed). So my input was limited to drinking coffee, eating sausage rolls and doing a spot of washing up. They wouldn't have been able to cope without me.

The prodigal father returns..

I have just heard that my dad will arrive, with German friend, within a few hours. I have not seen him for over 6 years so I am a little apprehensive. He is a bit of an alky, my dad... so will he behave himself or will it be a great big booze induced frenzied reunion? My fear grows by the minute.....