Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Tile wisdom

In Holland we love putting little one liners on little delft blue tiles so we can hang them our walls to show people what our moral, spiritual and/or mental standpoint is. This is so ingrained into Dutch culture that we call armchair psychological affirmations and cliches 'Tile Wisdom' (Tegelgetjeswijsheid). It is a semi-derogatory term for something we all love doing. As we are all guilty of it it is strange that we look down on it. After all, in our mind it gives us instant wisdom, a sageness, a discerning panache. Admiring glances is what we all crave. "Wow, how could such a small head carry all that wisdom?" is what we hope people think of us.

The reality is of course totally different. Think Dr Phil. He is the patron saint of Tile Wisdom and don't we all despise him? Don't you just hate the person who has spewed another cliche, a-one-size-fits-all truism intended to make you feel better but totally misses the mark? Of course there are some that are fun and even profound but they are, in general, undervalued and overused.

However I do have a favourite as it really works for me:

"This too shall pass".

It is simple but puts in perspective a whole range of miserable events, feelings and thoughts and instantly makes me feel better. One point of caution: It should only be invoked when times are bad. When times are good it can have the exact opposite effect and plunge you into a deep, deep depression. It doesn't make it less true, of course and that is why it is so potent. A one-size-fits-all truism that is powerful because it is a fundamental truth. Everything passes. It is as certain as death and taxes (which in itself is worth a tile all by itself).

Here are a few one liners for you to enjoy:

Dyslexics are teople poo.

Does anal retentive have a hyphen?

If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?

Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal.

Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

I am not infantile, you stinky poopyhead.

Your stupid!

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.

What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?

Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?

The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.

If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

Hang up and drive.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy

Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils - people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing.

Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

And finally

Carpe Diem!

2 comments:

Walter said...

"Wherever you go, there you are."

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