Whatcha waiting for???

I am thoroughly embarrassed that I haven't even looked at my blog for nearly a month. So bad. So bad.... It got to a stage I didn't dare look at it. Noone wants to be confronted with their failings and I have to be the least of them.

I must say that besides Christmas day, this past month has been the worst of this year. Terrible things have happened all over the world and bad things have been happening with me as well.

I have found my limit career-wise. I was always skimming around the edges, the borders of my capabilities and I have now reached them. My body is also protesting. "Here and no futher" it seems to be saying. Mind you, there is no physical work involved... it is not like I am in a chain gang, or anything. I guess you would find your career limits fairly rapidly in a chain gang.. I mean, there is the end of the chain or the top of the chain. Big deal!

Finding my limit has been a very disappointing experience. I feel deflated and beaten. Panicked even. There is no resignation there but actual fear. I am scared because there is no longer any growth left and that I am judged for it. I am beaten.

Well now I have decided I am going to embark on another venture to find myself. I am going to use my talents and my love for baubles and sparkly things. I am going to be a professional magpie and hopefully sell off some of my creations.

I have already sold some stuff (okay it was to my mother, grandmother and colleague) and I am happy. I feel divided therefore. Part of me is very happy.. the other miserable and feels worthless.

Give it a few months and I will tell you what the valid feeling is. There is more money going out than coming in, but at least I am trying.

Well gotta go.. got some reading up to do!!!